Sinnyeom (sinnjeje) wrote,
Sinnyeom
sinnjeje

[FanFiction] Holding back the red tears

Ok, it's my first ff in English.
It's not perfect, but.... I'll do my best in the future~


Title: Holding back the red tears
Author: sinnjeje
Length: One shot
Genre: Drama
Rating: PG

I looked at the clock.
Five minutes past nine.
And there wasn't any living soul yet.
Okay then, it's time to close a cafeteria.
I turned off a cash register and started cleaning a floor. I was thinking about a warm bed in my house, I was so sleepy. I've been too tired all day long, because of early getting up last days. 
So my dream that day was only "MY BED".
The night was cold, since it was one of first days of December.
My cold thoughts about winter were interrupted by somebody's entry to the cafeteria.
"Oh, God.. No.... Not now!".
I glared at the door. It was a boy... A man, I should say. He lightly bowed and didn't even look at me when we he entering. I couldn't see his face, because there was too dark near the doors. 
- Hi - he muttered as he was very slowly walking closer. He looked like a desparated man.
- Good evening - I said and waited, so he could took his jacket off. But did it awkwardly.
He sat down and put his hands interly on the table.
- Three bottles of soju, please.
I could saw outline of his face clearly.

His figure.
His voice.
I became frozen.
- Why are you staring at me?
- You are Kim Jaejoong - I said and took one step back.
- So...? - he asked with no life and keep looking at me. - Are you... Cassiopeia?
- No. 
- Good.
- Why? 
- I won't let you down.
He looked like his humour has improved. I went to make his order.
Everyone would say: he looks like an angel. Angel with empty, sad eyes. What's wrong? 
Since there was snow outside, small snow flakes were shining in his hair.
Everyone would say: it looks like a starry dust.
Angel with starry dust on his head. But.. where were his wings?
Something made them disappear.
I put his order on the table. 
- Is it everything? - I asked him. 
He was thinking for a while, then he told me to sit down next to him.
- Can I trust you?
I nodded.
- You know... Today I lost everything. I lost my life.
First of all, I thought about a woman. Why? I don't know why. Maybe I should think about the man? Hm...
But... Was he in a relationship? Media don't know everything. Anyway.. 
- Did you have a girlfriend? - I asked bashfully.
He looked at me.
- Are you kidding? I lost my forever love. My brothers. My friends. It's worse.
I felt shivers on my whole body. 
"What the hell are you talking about?"
- Everything is over. My Tohoshinki. We aren't any gods. We're just people. Weak people.
He noticed that I didn't get his words.
- Yes. It's over. Now we're waiting for a scandal. Everything will change.
I didn't believe.
Then, he told me the whole story about what happened. I was shocked. 
I'm sorry, but even now, after 2 years, I can't tell you this. This is our secret and I won't tell anybody. Until he do this himself. But you must know, it was a tragedy. It wasn't about money. It was about something more important.
- You promise? - he ensured.
- I promise.
He got drunk. And started to cry. He summarised me the 6 years with Tohoshinki. About their growing up. About their love, trust and support. About their brotherhood. They were there for each other. They had common dreams, life, memories. They were like one big family... with their Cassiopeia. 
- I lost them. I lost my members.. My Cassiopeia. How I should live from now on? Everyday... Will seem to be like yesterday. Until I'll see them again. You know, I love them. My Yunho.. he's my life. I can't imagine my day without him... Changmin... He's forever my soul-fighter. How could I open my eyes and realize I won't see them anymore? How..? - he stood up, lost balance for a moment and walked near a window. Then he sat on one of wooden chairs. 
Everyone would say: that angel needs a help. His sky is falling down. He's homeless. Since angels live in the sky. In heaven. So where is this true one? If heaven doesn't have any place for one lonely angel... Is it still that great place where everyone wants to go? And if an angel lost his wings, is he still a true angel?
Everyone would say: I can take him under a protection. But first make sure if he really wants it.
- You don't even know how much I appreciate the fact that you're not a Cassiopeia. I woudn't stand your pain. I'm so proud of Cassiopeia's love. Because of them, we are Tohoshinki... Well.. - he couldn't hold back the tears. - We WERE Tohoshinki. Only with five members TVXQ can exist. Without any of us... It's not the same. Oh god, why we were so weak?! 
- Don't talk bullshit. You're still one of the members! Yoochun and Junsu are them as well! Give me that bottle! - I screamed and took away the fifth bottle of soju. He was totally drunk.
- You don't know anything. 
- You have always been powerful. What's next? Do you have any plans for the future?
He was looking at me with his shadowy eyes.
- Me? No... Junsu and Yoochun have some plans. I don't want to take part in them. I don't want to do anything. I can't look at their faces.... Fans' faces.. 
He glanced at the sky.
- Cassiopeia. Why your stars shine so brightly... Why our eyes are fading...? 
He looked at me.
- Always keep the faith, ok?
Silence.
Jaejoong fell asleep with tears in his eyes and pain on his lips.
Silence.
I'll pray for you. I promise.
I raised my right sleeve and looked at my tattoo. 
Always keep the faith.
There's one thing that you must know... About me.. About my lie.
I was.. I am Cassiopeia.
And... If you are Cassiopeia as well...
Try to imagine my feelings when I heard his story.
Try to imagine my love towards him.
Try to imagine my pain.
I hugged him softly and started to cry. My heart was bleeding.
Outside the window Cassiopeia was still shining so brightly. He was right.
Outside the cafeteria, there was blessed silence. Like nothing was happened. 
God, please, give me the faith. To believe in them. My five gods... My angels...
Three days later Dong Bang Shin Ki announced their split up.
The whole world drowned in the Red Ocean. Ocean of red tears. 
I looked at the sky. 
"Please, help those angels. Cassiopeia, help them."
Five stars were shining but I knew that they were sad.
"God, give me the faith..."

Tags: fanfiction, fanfiction:jaejoong, jaejoong
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